I started my second class today: EDSE 504 - Curriculum Inquiry. It's my last required class for my Master's degree; after this it's just my project and one last elective. I realize that the University has their reasons for requiring certain classes. 510 gets you started thinking about your research question and helps you learn to do academic research and write academic papers (APA, people, APA!!). 511 and 512 (depending on whether you're in a thesis or project based program) get you started on actually writing your final thesis/project. What I don't get are the curriculum courses. Or rather, why there are TWO of them that are required.
In my first curriculum course (503, the class from which I posted my final session notes here), we looked at the different ways in which people structure curriculum - kind of a "who's pulling the curricular strings and what's their agenda" coupled with a broad look at the different theoretical lenses through which people interpret curriculum. Sound riveting, right? Well, I didn't actively hate that class, but the only thing I remember from it is the idea of teachers helping students achieve transcendence - and only because that was the topic I chose for my final paper. Basically, teachers have a duty to their vocation to help students leave a class better than they were at the start. Reasonable, and didn't require me to compromise my own personal views to get a good grade, so I could handle it. But that's all I really remember from the class - that, and the distinct buzzing that would sound in my ears when people started talking about modernism, postmodernism, post-colonial perspectives, and psychoanalytical yadda yadda yadda.
I fear the same thing is happening already with this new class, and it scares me. It's only a three week course, three papers (one of which is half my grade), and a presentation. There are only 4 students in the class, and the other three women have just taken 503 this summer. My keen strategy of remaining mum on topics which I, quite frankly, have zero interest in, and making up any deficits the teacher may think I have through my strength in b.s.-ing papers, will not work. The prof. knows my name, dangit! And today, while there were some gems in his lecture that I could glom onto (hey, I know what the difference between modernism and post-modernism (or "pomo" for the cool kids) is!), there were also times when I caught myself thinking, "A lot of this sounds like complete and utter bullsh-tuff." Usually coupled with, "Who, outside of academia, cares?" There were also times when one of the other girls was commenting and throwing out names of famous academes, many of which our prof had cited in his papers we'd had to read for homework (before class even STARTED!), and I kept hearing Ben Stiller's voice in my head: "Don't be a kiss-ass". So mean, but it got to the point where every time this chick dropped another name, that was my first thought.
I didn't have this problem with my last class, but I realized that's because my last class was a.) in my particular research area, b.) taught by my supervising prof., and c.) focused on practical applications of digital technologies in the curriculum - moving from theory to actual use. It focused on HOW the technology should be used; everyone presented on software for classroom use, and put together a unit detailing how the technologies would be used to teach that unit. Actually, it was similar to what I am doing for my project...
(Okay, random sidebar: a storm front just blew in. And by blew in, I mean "The trees on the left side of my view started shaking before the trees on the right side as the storm moved overhead." Neato, but now I'm annoyed at the thunder.)
I'd kind of already figured this out, but today the point was driven home: I am not an academic. I doubt I ever will be. I just don't have the patience for it. I can't get enthused about discussing different theoretical lenses and the ways in which people interpret, well, anything. I. DON'T. CARE. Really, I just want to finish my project and get back to teaching. At this point, I'm not even picky about WHERE I teach, so long as I can be a teacher again.
Don't worry, Mum and Dad, this whole not-caring business isn't going to prevent me from doing everything I can to do well in class. I just get frustrated being forced to spend a lot of time participating in academic navel-gazing. I could be home reading a book.
UPDATE: So, I dropped the class. I will be postponing graduation until next April. It was a choice between total insanity with the distinct possiblity of a nervous breakdown (staying in the class), or mild insanity with a slight chance of jitters round about winter time (dropping it). I chose the latter. I have made my peace with it.
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