As many of you already know, I began a regimen of indoor tanning in order to be nice and brown(ish) for JD and Megan's wedding. I didn't want to glow in the dark, especially since everyone else is already naturally darker than me and I've spent winter in Canada. And while we are now getting far more sunlight here than y'all down south, it's snowed twice in the past two weeks, so sunbathing is not an option.
While I have actually enjoyed indoor tanning in a UV bed (once I figured out that, yes, I DO need to wear my swimsuit), I wanted to try the OTHER method of tanning that is all the rage. Yes, yes, I caved and tried the Mystic Spray Tan at my local tanning salon.
Mistake.
First, I am naturally fair skinned. Really fair skinned. Really, REALLY fair skinned, so that when I buy things like powder and foundation for my face, I have to get the color known as "Ivory" - which is make-up speak for "Any paler and we'd be selling you flour in a pocket compact, which would feel immoral, so we'll put the teensiest bit of pale beige in it, and call it good". This means that when I DO get color from sun exposure, it tends to be reddish - not always a sunburn (although that happens more often than not), but a tan color firmly in the "rosy" category. And freckles. LOTS of freckles.
So what does this mean for spray tanning? Well, it means that I have a lovely, golden cast to my skin right now. And it looks weird. It looks weird because even when I am tan, I'm never this color. I don't get golden brown I get reddish brown. I actually wanted to try the spray tanning to see what the effect would be on my legs. Well, they're golden brown. And it looks...bizarre.
Second, my hands also look bizarre. See, after spray tanning you're supposed to wash off your hands and feet, then put on this lotion that stops the fake tan from soaking into your skin, because it looks weird on fingers and toes. I did this. Immediately after the session was done, I washed and wiped my hands, and used the tanner-blocking lotion. It didn't work. My hands, particularly my right hand, have little brownish-orange streaks along my fingers. I look like a smoker with a ten-pack-a-day habit and permanent nicotine stains to go with it. At least my toes are so small (pickle toes, Becca calls them) that, if they are streaked, it's unnoticeable.
Third, I smell funny. (No jokes, FAMILY.) Using sunless tanner from a bottle leaves a smell that goes away after a few hours, and I only ever use it on my legs so it doesn't bother me much. I am currently covered in sunless tanner from a spray pump machine thingy, and it smells like the bottle stuff, times, like, a thousand. And I can't get away from the smell. I have even taken a shower since my spray tanning session (scrubbing violently at my skin), and I still smell like bottle tan. It's horrible. Last night while trying to go to sleep, I kept adjusting my position and then flipping the blanket over me. Every time I did I got a big "whoof" of spray tan smell. Even sitting here at my desk, I feel like there's a cartoon cloud of stink lines wafting around my body.
So, life lessons learned from this experience? 1. Fair complexions and golden spray tanning don't mix well. 2. Spray tanning stinks - literally. I am going to continue normal indoor tanning until I head south for the spring, but I have now sated my curiosity regarding spray tanning. I do not feel the need to try it EVER AGAIN.
Also, my tummy is brown, which is freaking me out.
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